- President's Message

President's Message June 2010

All That Is Left To Say Is Thank You!

It is hard to believe that this is both the eightieth and last time that I am writing a President's Message. I have thoroughly enjoyed my seven (or eight I am not sure) terms as President. As I have told many people, being President of CBA was a phenomenal experience and the best thing that I ever did in terms of personal growth. It enabled me to get in touch with Judaism as well as meet and establish relationships with many incredible people. I have been part of many simchas and have also been there for many people in their times of need. It has truly been an honor to be President and it has positively shaped my life as well as my family's.

I would not have been able to be President this many times if I did not have an incredible support network. At CBA we are very fortunate to have many dedicated members. At the risk of forgetting someone, I have to send a special thank you for "many years of many hours" of work for the synagogue and helping me to: Marla Adelsberger, Laura Broxterman, Karen Groenstein, Marcia Heneson and Rabbi Alan.

I also have to send a special thank you to Herb Blutt Herb was my go-to, "never say no" supporter in my early years and beyond. I also want to thank the Board members, Officers and committee chairs who worked with me over the years, always committed to doing what was best for CBA. I also want to thank our High Holy Day match donor. This family has helped us keep the lights on by donating about 10% of our budget pretty much since I was President the first time.

My service to CBA has resulted in the size of my family increasing exponentially. Although I love my CBA family, I cannot close this message without thanking my real drivers in life Cay, Brian and David. As Cay and I are on the precipice of being empty nesters, I cannot help but spend a lot of time reflecting on what the boys have meant to us and how much we enjoyed watching them grow into incredible young men. I know CBA is a big part of the reason that they are who they are today. CBA has been an important part of their life from birth and the boys' commitment and support are major reasons why I was able to be so active. The other major factor is my incredible wife Cay. Words cannot describe what she means to me.

My last thank you is to the membership of CBA. Thank you for giving me this great opportunity to grow and be there for and with you. As I write, I still do not know who the next President will be, but I am confident that as long as CBA members remain committed, the new President will be widely successful. CBA, like all religious institutions, has its challenges let's work together to overcome them.

Harry

PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE MAY 2010

A few hours ago Cay, David and I returned from a terrific "last vacation before David leaves for college" trip to Puerto Vallarta,

Mexico

. We all had a wonderful time on the trip that we had bought at the Beat the Clock Auction several years ago. On the flight home I could not help but get a little reflective.

The trip was donated to the auction Millie and Stuart Sobel. The Bodian/Sobel/Woodward family has played a big role in the growth of CBA and me. Two generations of children from this family have been educated in the CBA religious school and all three generations have contributed a lot of hard work over the years to support CBA and make sure that it is there for many generations to come.

Shortly after I became President about twenty years ago, I got a phone call that the love of Millie's life, Gerald, had passed away. I asked the person who called me what I was supposed to do and I was told to go over and be there for the family. With great trepidation and lots of "what do I say" thoughts running through my mind I went to the Bodian house. As soon as I walked in the house all trepidation went away; I knew that I was in the right place and my life would be changed forever. When I first saw Millie, who I really did not know at the time, I could see how happy she was that CBA was there for her. I spent many hours with the incredible extended family over the next week and although it was a very difficult time for everyone, I was thrilled to be welcomed in to help. I got to see first hand how much it means to have a supporting community there for you when you are in need.

Once I was unofficially adopted by the family it seemed like I could never get away from them. Wherever I turned around, there seemed to be a Bodian or Woodward. Whatever the need was, help was only a phone call away. It did not matter if it was help for a "house" project, or Emily Woodward (who was a teenager at the time) helping us write our own Friday night prayer book, or sage advice from Millie I always knew who to call.

Over the years I have stayed close with the family. When Millie was fortunate enough to find a second incredible "love of her life" aka Stuart, they got engaged in a romantic hotel in Sedona, Arizona. That hotel was right next to the one where my family was staying as I said once you get involved with this family, you can never get away (not that you would want to anyway.). Although the kids are no longer kids, and Millie and Stuart now live in Stamford, the family's commitment to CBA has not waned.

Recently we met with the parents of the upcoming Bar & Bat Mitzvah students. During his introduction, Ritual Chair Gary Cohen reflected on the significance of the B'Nai Mitzvot and the opportunity that parents have to shape their child's view of Judaism for the future. Gary mentioned how the best way for a parent to assure that a child has a strong Jewish identity is by the parents demonstrating their commitment to Judaism. By attending services, volunteering at the synagogue, participating at synagogue events and being active with the CBA family you send the message that Judaism and the Jewish community is important. Your child may never say it, but they are very observant learners. I never doubted that the Bodians and the children of other active members would develop very strong Jewish identities, even if they always complained about attending religious school, services, etc.

I look forward to spending more time at services and CBA events with all of you. Happy Spring!

Whenever I have been President, my message at this time of the year has been about how Passover has always been my favorite holiday, since for me it epitomizes the true beauty of Judaism. Passover to me is all about family, family traditions, and sharing the traditions of our religion that have been passed down from generation to generation.

Last year, I talked about how at the seder table for the first time the next generation with all of their significant others outnumbered the old folks (my generation). We also had the first member of the next generation's next generation at the table. Just as a number of years ago my generation was tasked with the responsibility of passing down the traditions, last year was the beginning of passing that responsibility onto my children's generation.

This year is also a year of transition. Brian has spent the last few days working on the logistics for the community seder to be held at his synagogue at Dartmouth. About a week ago, Brian called and told us that he had been elected President of the Dartmouth Hillel. Prior to that phone call, I did not even know that there was a synagogue leadership gene that could be passed down from father to son. When I picked him up for his spring break, we had a long conversation about what he could do to get people more engaged with his synagogue. It was a fun conversation, listening to someone who was very excited about moving into a leadership position and committed to coming up with new ways of connecting people with Judaism.

It will be very strange not having Brian with us at our seder, but I will be smiling knowing that we have successfully passed on our appreciation for Judaism to him and he is now sharing that appreciation with his peers and will soon (not too soon) be passing it on to future generations. Cay, I and our family are part of the reason, but so is the love and support that he has felt throughout his life from the Rabbi and the incredible CBA family.

Next year Cay and I will officially become empty nesters. We are looking forward to it because we know that we have done all that we can do to prepare Brian and David for the next phases of their lives. They know that we, our extended family and our CBA family will always be there, if they should ever need us. That is all that we can do. It is great to see these wonderful young men leave the nest and spread their wings. Because of what they have learned and the support that they know that they have, I know they will continue to make us proud and be exceptional men. Because of the traditions that we have passed down we also know that they will continue to come back and be an important part of our seders and pass our family traditions down to their children.

Cay, Brian, David and I hope that you too will be making new family memories at your seders. We hope that you are able to take the time to truly appreciate the family and traditions that you have. If you would like to talk about what your makes your traditions so special to you or anything else, please call me at (860) 688-5545 or email me at hhfree@aol.com.

PS I want to thank Laura, Karen and their legions of co-workers for putting together another incredible and successful auction. I hope everyone takes the time to thank Laura and Karen for the many hours of work that they put in. This auction raises about 10% of our annual operating budget.

PSS Soon we will be contacting you to see if you are interested in taking a leadership role in the synagogue. As I told Brian when he informed me about his taking the reins at Hillel, being President of CBA was the best thing that I ever did from a personal growth perspective. I have enjoyed the position and the friends that I have made immensely, but it is clearly time for me to step aside and have someone else with new ideas and energy take the point position for CBA so that we continue to grow. Please seriously consider stepping forward to do just that. I guarantee you that it will be one of the best decisions that you can make. I and the other terrific board members and officers will always be there to support you!

The results of the survey that the Ritual Committee conducted are in. Although we did not have as much participation (100%) as we would have liked, a couple of clear messages have become apparent. The first is that the overwhelming reason why people joined CBA and, even more dramatically, the main reason they stay involved is their desire for a sense of community. It is also apparent that the vast majority of people enjoys the Rabbi's "creative" services, especially the music and singing, and enjoys services more and gets more out of them when they feel comfortable.

As you all should know by now, our family has stayed so involved for so long because we too value the sense of community that we find at CBA. Each year a number of CBA members show up at our house for both the Break Fast at the end of Yom Kippur and for the SuperBowl. We obviously try to cover both the religious and the secular needs of our friends. We have not extended invitations for many years. Our CBA family just shows up, brings great food and even cleans up at the end of the evening. We have gone beyond being just friends these wonderful people have become family. It is an incredible feeling to know that if Cay, I or the boys ever needed anything, our CBA family would step forward to take care of it. We, of course, would do the same for any of our family members in need. Over the years we have celebrated many simchas together and have had to deal with, and support each other through, many difficult times. We have gotten more than I could have ever imagined from our CBA "community".

We became engaged with our community by attending services and other synagogue events. We have spent many hours setting up tables, serving Shabbat dinners, doing dishes, designing and staffing Purim carnival booths, attending Board meetings and working at Tag Sales/Auctions/Vendor Sales and anything else Marcia Heneson and her Ways & Means crowd can think of. In short, we have been able to find a terrific community by just coming to things and helping out. At times it has been hard work, but most time it has been just plain fun.

The real beauty about the CBA community is that people are accepted as they are. Our community runs the full gamut - observant Jews, cultural Jews, Jews by choice and non-Jewish spouses. There are no minimum religious requirements for entry into our community. All that is required is a desire to be around terrific people and a willingness to show up and participate. My family is living proof, that the return on your investment of time and effort will be very significant.

Please plan to participate with our community at the Beat the Clock Auction on March 13. This event is a lot of fun and is the synagogue's largest fund raiser of the year. If you have not helped out yet, please call Laura Soll Broxterman (688-8483) or Karen Groenstein (688-5671) to see how you can help. We always need people to solicit gifts in advance of the event and to work at the event. For the auction to be really successful we need lots of people to attend and bid on items. Please encourage 100 of your closest friends to attend.

I look forward to spending many more years enjoying our CBA community with all of you. Please plan to do the same... If you would ever like to talk or if you have any thoughts or questions please call me ((860) 688-5545) or email me at hhfree@aol.com

This past Shabbat was very special to me. I had the honor of watching two long time members, Jeannine and Gary Cohen, smile for over two straight hours as their daughter Stephanie and son-in-law "returned home" to have a baby naming for their beautiful daughter Maddie Reese. Maddie's older sister, aunt, cousin and other family and friends also thoroughly enjoyed the special occasion.

The event was significant to me because the "Cohen girls" both celebrated their B'Nai Mitzvot around the time when I was President the first time. Two things about that struck me. The first is that I must be getting old and have been President for far too many years. The second is how terrific it is that these two wonderful young ladies still feel a special connection to CBA and, although they live a distance away, still enjoy "coming home" to celebrate important occasions. I am looking forward to the newest generation's B'Nai Mitzvot.

Over the years, I have had the honor of attending many "next generation" simchas at CBA. These have included: B'Nai Mitzvot, baby namings and serving as a "Chupa holder" for the parents of Elyse and Steve Feltman's granddaughter. Each time I have thoroughly enjoyed looking into the eyes of our members' and sharing their joy and pride in their next generation.

These simchas also give me the opportunity to reflect on what it is about CBA that results in the "next generation" wanting to stay connected, even if geography prevents them from being full members. I have to believe it is the warm, welcoming attitude of Rabbi Alan and the whole congregation that keeps bringing people back. At CBA we are committed to accepting people where they are, and trying to be there for them as they continue on their personal life and spiritual journey.

I have also been very impressed with how every simcha is really tailored to the celebrants and their families. I will never forget serving as a Gabbai for a Bat Mitzvah and seeing the Torah blessings transliterated into Russian, so that more family members could participate in the proceedings on this special day. I will also never forget the Bat Mitzvah who gave her D'var Torah in both English and Spanish so that everyone in her extended family could clearly understand the wisdom that this wonderful young woman was sharing with us. The Rabbi has done a wonderful job making sure that the person celebrating the simcha, be it a Bat Mitzvah or a newborn, is truly the focus of the day.

I look forward to celebrating many more simchas with our members and the next generations, as we all continue on our life and spiritual journeys together. If you would ever like to talk or if you have any thoughts or questions please call me ((860) 688-5545) or email me at hhfree@aol.com

As I write this, I am somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. I have just spent almost a month touring Europe; for the first week with Cay, Brian and David and then the rest of the time with just Brian. We had a terrific time and made memories that will last a lifetime. I truly was fortunate to have the opportunity to spend several weeks together with my son shortly before he leaves the house forever. There is no greater joy as a parent than to see your child become adults that you love, admire and like to spend time with. As most of you know, I have always thought the world of Cay, Brian and David. As the boys have transitioned to adulthood, it is nice to see that they are still worthy of my adoration.

The only difficult thing about travelling with Brian was that we were away from Cay and David for a few weeks, as well as the first five nights of Hanukkah. The good news is that we now have Skype, which enabled us to sing the blessings and light the candles together even though we were thousands of miles apart. It was not quite the same thing, but it was still pretty cool to see Cay and David light our menorahs as Brian and I lit my childhood menorah. As we will be empty nesters next year, I think we may use the same technology so that all four of us can again light candles together.

As our trip came to a close, I could not help but get a little nostalgic. Unfortunately, my Dad passed away when I was just a little older than Brian, ironically as he and my mom prepared for their first trip to Europe and the beginning of their "travelling in retirement". My father's premature death taught me many lessons, including to never put off enjoying people and life today since you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Last month I talked about taking the time today to let people know how much you appreciate them. My message this month is to make sure that you take advantage of the opportunities that are available to you. We all live very busy and full lives and sometimes it seems impossible to stop and take the time to take a trip or spend some time with family or a friend (or of course attend services or volunteer at CBA). My life will always be fuller now that I took this trip with Brian; I will always be able to look back and smile about what we saw together and the conversations that we had. I hope that he will also share stories about our trip with his kids. I hope to have a similar chance to spend time with David before he runs off and leaves us for a wife, kids, etc. I am very happy about the close relationships that I have with my family and I hope it inspires others to make the effort to have the same type of relationship.

It is hard to believe that it will soon be 2010. Where did the past decade go??? Cay, Brian, David and I all wish you nothing but the best for the coming year. As always, if you would ever like to talk or if you have any thoughts or questions please call me (688-5545) or email me at hhfree@aol.com

As you read this I am somewhere in Europe with my son Brian. We are taking the time to "smell the roses", by exploring Europe and spending a few weeks of quality father and son time. I am so glad that he was selected to spend a term at Oxford so we had an excuse to take this trip.

As I look at my two sons, I am amazed at how quickly they have grown and what terrific young men they have become (cue the "I am so lucky to be married to such a wonderful woman and mother" music.). It is hard for me to believe that in a few months Cay and I will be empty nesters. It seems like just yesterday that the nurses were congratulating on my new "conehead" son. It has been an absolute joy to watch these two young men and all of their friends grow and become ready for the next stages of their lives. I am just glad that I did not age as quickly as they did - the grey hair is just for effect, I have been told it makes me look distinguished.

As my children have grown, I have grown. What might have seemed important many years ago, in many cases does not anymore. I have learned that the best way to truly enjoy life is to focus on the really important things; being there for and appreciating family and friends and not to dwell on the daily annoyances and challenges. Over the years I have made many fantastic friends and unfortunately far too many have passed away.

Each year at the time of the High Holy Days, I find myself doing a lot of soul-searching and I take time to evaluate where I am. I do a reality check to make sure that I have been the person that I want to be and think about what I need to do to improve for the coming year. This year, I took a long trip right before Rosh Hashanah. Rather than reading or sleeping on the plane, I decided that it was time to do something that I had been thinking about for a long time; I spent the time writing letters and thank you notes to a number of people telling them how much I appreciate them and how they have enriched my life and the lives of my family.

I hope that all of you "make" the opportunity to share quality time with the people that you care about. It is always the right time to pick up the phone and catch up with that person who helped you through a difficult time or just made you laugh and feel loved. Time passes by far too quickly. Now is the time to be there for those who have been there for you.

Enjoy the holiday season, getting to know some new friends and getting reacquainted with some old ones! As always, if you would ever like to talk or if you have any thoughts or questions please call me (688-5545) or email me at hhfree@aol.com

I want to thank all of the people who made the effort to compliment me on my October President's Message. Many people have told me that they were very moved by the way that I shared my family's story about how we chose to raise our children Jewish and how much being affiliated with CBA has meant to us. I even received a long distance comment from Texas "I did make time to read your Presidential message. My reaction afterwards, one word: wow. Heartfelt thoughts rang true along with your usual clear writing style. How nice to be able to reflect on your family and feel good about them in every way... BTW, you didn't mention how I have changed your life!" You are right Lon, I did leave out a big part of why I know that I am a very lucky person my family has been blessed by having terrific friends, many that we made because of our involvement with CBA.

Each year Cay and I host the break fast after Yom Kippur and a Super Bowl party. We have not extended invitations to these gatherings in many years: our CBA friends/family just show up each year. I am not complaining though, since everyone feels so comfortable that they bring delicious food, clean up, wash dishes, and, most importantly, we have a phenomenal time each year. I guess this group made the transition from friends to family many years ago. When we first moved to Connecticut we did not have any family locally, now because of CBA we have quite a large extended family that lives in Windsor, Suffield, South Windsor, etc. This past summer when Cay and I went away to celebrate our anniversary, we had no concerns leaving our seventeen year old son home alone for the week because we knew this extended family was always just a phone call away.

At least monthly, Cay goes out to dinner with her CBA "sisters". These women have been very close friends for many years; they have traveled together, laughed together and helped each other through life's difficulties. In short, they could not be any closer if they had shared common parents.

When my boys were growing up, I always felt sorry for them in a way. Whenever they were at the synagogue, there were with 8 or 10 people who had "parental rights" to "guide" their behaviors. As the Rabbi states discussing one of the psalms, it says "when you are disciplined, you are loved". Our children, as well as the others that we had parental rights over, were clearly well-loved. I guess that even with all the excess parenting, my children must have enjoyed it since they have stayed friends with the other kids that they met, went to religious school with, and played "tin-foil ball" and other games with at CBA.

I have highlighted just a few ways that our CBA family enriches our lives on a daily basis. I hope that each one of you takes the opportunity to really get to know your fellow members of CBA and establish the same types of relationships that my family has. The CBA family is composed of terrific people please take the time to get to know them I know that your efforts will be rewarded with very special lifelong relationships.

Enjoy fall and getting to know some new friends! As always, if you would ever like to talk or if you have any thoughts or questions please call me (688-5545) or email me at hhfree@aol.com

In the spirit of the High Holy Days, I thought it would be worthwhile to share my own confessional to supplement what we say jointly during services. I am a very lucky man. I love my wife. I love my sons and I am very proud of the incredible men that they are on their way to becoming. Some days I sit back and marvel at how fortunate I am to have the family, friends and life that I do and wonder if I am truly worthy of all that I have been given.

The night I met Cay, I came home and told my brother-in-law (being the all-knowing 18 year old that I was) that I met the girl I was going to marry. His response was "have another drink." Thirty years later, I have learned that she is even more special than I had believed the night we met. (By the way, the "have another drink" brother-in-law was my Best Man).

Many of you have experienced firsthand how special Cay is (I am nice enough to share her). I will now share how one of the self-less decisions that she made has benefited both my family and the CBA community. When we were first talking about getting married, we had decided that we were going to raise our children Catholic. It made sense; Cay was far more committed to and knowledgeable about her religion than was I. Shortly after my father passed away, Cay came to me and said that she thought we should raise the children Jewish. By that time she had been further exposed to the beauty of the religion, the Jewish ethics and values, and, most importantly, the focus on family. She feared that since at the time I did not have a very strong religious identity, I would lose it totally if the children were not raised Jewish. Her one stipulation was that if we were going to raise the children Jewish I would have to get more involved with my religion.

Over the years I learned about Judaism from Cay as she taught the boys. We hosted Hanukkah parties where she also taught the boys friends about Judaism and, effectively, about religious tolerance. I saw the effort that she made to expose the boys to all of the holiday celebrations and, as I just learned yesterday, she even bribed David to learn his Hebrew letters (one penny per letter.). Many years ago, when CBA was talking about closing or merging it seemed only natural that I would go from non-active member to President of CBA. As I told her, you said I had to get more involved with my religion.

As the boys grew, I was amazed at how significant of a role CBA and Judaism played in their development. They made lifelong friends from attending religious school and services, they learned how to be community leaders and they started to live the real Jewish values. They learned how important it is to be an active member of a community: the only way to realize the true value of the community is by committing yourself to participating in it. I also saw the respect that they showed for their mother and how they helped her to celebrate "her" holidays. The quickly learned a great deal about tolerance, how it is okay for people to have different beliefs and how we owe it to everyone to respect their views and to help them in any way we can.

We all have difficult choices that we have to make. We all have to balance the many conflicting demands on our and our children's time. I am glad that once again Cay was right and we made the commitment to Judaism and CBA. We have, as individuals and as a family, grown because of the commitment that we all made. Although it has required significant effort at times, we have received far more in return than the effort that we invested. I encourage everyone to become more involved with the CBA family, I am sure that you too will find that the reward far exceeds the effort that will be required.

The Rabbi, the Board and I are all committed to help each member to have their spiritual needs met. Please let us know what we can do to assist you.